Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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