I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
