just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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