About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
