Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
