I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We need to get me chipped asap
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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