I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
sex in a hospital.. check
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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