just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
