Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
