Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
