and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
