Porn is love you can see.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
