cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
