why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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