birth control should be required to get into college
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
