So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
