Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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