coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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