VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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