Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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