Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
