Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
