Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
