I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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