Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
