Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
