Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
