____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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