he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
