He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
