how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
