he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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