soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
