did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
