if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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