my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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