bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
