My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
