apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
