fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
