i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
