I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
