Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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