Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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