Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
