Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
