Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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