I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
