I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
