Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
