You made me cry and you don't even care
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
