Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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